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blue moon

by big red sun

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    blue moon is a lot of things. there's songs in here about politics, queerness, friendship, and telling your story - it's a bit of everything, but fundamentally, i like to think of it as an ode to surviving. i hope you enjoy it as much as i enjoyed making it. <3
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1.
big hard man with a flag in his bio no pronouns 'cause he's just a normal guy oh, profile picture of a football shirt of course he's a man u fan you find him in the wild on a tweet that says "ugh, i hate men" this guy comes back with a thread about how not all men would hurt and shout not realising that he's the man they're talking about and his bio says "i hate lefty wankers" well i got news for you lefty wankers hate you too anonymous icon behind the screen you fucking coward god save the queen and don't make fun of the royal family big smart boy went to red brick university shat out the other end with nothing but a business degree and now he thinks that he rules the world and he can't talk to girls so that means that they're evil he upvotes every ben shapenny video he doesn't realise he's nothing but an idiot leaves a comment every time like "oh my god so true" bestie he's not gonna fuck you anonymous icon behind the screen you fucking coward god save the queen and don't make fun of boris he's trying his best well his best isn't bloody good enough then
2.
good morning springfield good morning dad i have news for you but i'm not gonna tell you yet my sister's living up there in the city now she sure don't need us anymore she comes to visit sometimes anyway and sometimes she brings her girlfriends and mom and dad don't look, but i do i try not to look like i'm staring and i don't know if i want to admit it to myself all i know is the boy who lives down the street is really cute
3.
hilltop 02:40
well i'm tired and sad and i get that way every time i leave the house these days there's a nauseated feeling that's decided to settle itself in the base of my ribcage and sometimes it feels like the only thing keeping me going is sitcoms on netflix and the thought of going to school and getting a job keeps making me physically sick i just wanna live out the rest of my days in a brick house out in the country and me and my friends have a say in the way that it's run and the people who live there are just like me and we'll fly our flags from the rooftop of our brick house up on the hilltop and i'll never have to talk to anyone i hate ever again we'll make it from scratch when we run out into the wilderness we'll take our bricks and concrete and we'll build it up for the roof we'll use sheet metal for the windows we'll use recycled bottles and in a three foot square patch left of the front foor i'm gonna grow carrots i just wanna live out the rest of my days in a brick house out in the country and me and my friends have a say in the way that it's run and the people who live there are just like me and we'll fly our flags from the rooftop of our brick house up on the hilltop and i'll never have to talk to anyone i hate ever again we'll get away from all the talk i'll plant my feet on a little walk and we'll drink from the river and we'll eat from the garden love ourselves and our bodies and we'll refuse to harm them and we'll read books and watch movies by people who are good and try their hardest to put good into the world and we'll cross the borders, won't follow orders i'll pick you up, not put you down and i hope that you will do the same for me i just wanna live out the rest of my days in a brick house out in the country and me and my friends have a say in the way that it's run and the people who live there are just like me and we'll fly our flags from the rooftop of our brick house up on the hilltop and i'll never have to talk to anyone i hate ever again
4.
lammergeier 02:51
eat my bones and throw me prone wring your neck as you try to peck out my eyes crack my skull and make it full a vulture's soup bowl from the blood you stole lammergeier lammergeier lammergeier lammergeier i see you squawking your little head off are there bones in it? do you need to cough? you best stop talking to me overgrown parrot talon to talon beak to beak it's apparent that you don't respect me that i don't respect you i don't even want you to i don't even like you lammergeier lammergeier lammergeier lammergeier you're circling me just waiting for me to die you'll have your feast in time lammergeier
5.
manticora 02:30
i think you were evil but you saved me i think you were evil but you did it anyway running through the desert i only had you a pack of tiny beetles i only had you wingless we had to run on spindly podomeres i thought you were evil but you would not let me die here manticora are doombringers that explains a lot five evil little beetles but we are all we've got we should get together sometime and it doesn't matter at all doesn't matter at all
6.
iron 01:52
i aestheticised blood at a young age when i would see it oozing from my knuckles i would draw it with a spray brush in paint coming from her eyes i scraped my hands on brick on purpose wanted to see them red and i'd play until the metal cut my skin for me and it'd come out and out and out and... and there's blood pouring from the tips of my fingers and i can't stop, won't stop and the metal's in my blood and my blood is on the metal and now everything tastes of iron you see things before you can fully understand them saw cut throats before i could understand that pain i killed all my characters twice over 'cept for my baby i killed her thrice i imagine my hands inside a ribcage pulling everything out my arms are bright red and i don't know what i've done i imagine my hands inside a ribcage pulling everything out and there's blood pouring from the tips of my fingers and i can't stop, won't stop and the metal's in my blood and my blood is on the metal and now everything tastes of iron and there's blood pouring from the tips of my fingers and i can't stop, won't stop and the metal's in my blood and my blood is on the metal and now everything tastes of iron
7.
so this is how the story ends in the back of a honda cr-v or the back of a ford fiesta or the back of a nissan leaf somehow i thought it'd be more glamorous if we're going by how i feel inside i think it ought to be televised i think i'll stop i'm sorry so this is how the story ends in the big stairwell in bronte i'll throw myself down the gap in the middle and i'll scream what i'm scared to say it's a nice idea for certain scare the kids who made me feel like shit when i measure the gap in the railings i realise i don't fit of course so this is how the story ends alone on my kitchen floor with my friends begging over discord and i just breathe some more with the tip of my blade sitting just under my stomach and my mother not home for ten minutes this knife is her favourite she uses it to cut carrots and cauliflower the handle is frayed and very old the side of the blade is curved my hands are shaky and white-knuckled as i... my story isn't over yet my story isn't over yet my story isn't over yet MY STORY ISN'T OVER YET the knife still sits in her drawer she still doesn't know what i wanted to use it for she still cuts carrots and cauliflower
8.
moon 02:18
i'll sit in my room at night and listen to my music real quiet 'cause my earbuds are busted i'll listen to my mother snore as i open my bedroom door and try to keep quiet i look outside to see the moon she told me about this afternoon and i can't see it when she asks me tomorrow morning if i saw it i'll tell her i did 'cause it'll make her feel better sometimes you say things to me that worry me things that make me think you're gonna do something dumb you say, just don't worry about me just feeling a little bit glum just feeling a little bit glum with the moon in the sky i don't wanna see you cry i wish you would talk more i wish i could help more

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content warnings:
suicide in knife, kitchen, colonel mustard

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released October 25, 2021

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big red sun Brighton, UK

hi, i'm big red sun (or seb) and i make loud punky music. stick around a while!

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